Drive....

It is time for a new year....

What does this mean?

Most people make a New Year's resolution.

Some people make a list of goals.

Some people don't do anything.

I fall into every category.

I have some type of resolution.

I set some goals.

I do nothing.

I stink right?

Well, this year I have something I am doing....

I am going to find drive.

Yes, drive.

In my life I lack drive.

I do enough to get by and even then it usually isn't enough.

There is no passion or anything left.

I don't know that there ever was.

I cannot clean up my life without drive.  

I need passion, purpose, reason, motivation.

Getting my point?

Good.

What is my life without it?

______

Yeah.

Blank.

I'm a Lover Not a Fighter

I am definitely a lover and not a fighter....most of the time.

My only problem is I seem to have a slight temper.

When someone gets in my face I have a hard time controlling that temper.

Today, I was not a lover.

Okay, so here is the story (minus a few boring details).  Warning:  It is kind of long.

I am a cashier.  A customer (male) comes through my line.  We were making some small talk about the heat.  He brought up that he was working on his car today and I mentioned selling mine.  He asked some details about it and we chatted a little.  The guy told me he had some buddies looking to buy a car and asked if it would be alright if he got my number to pass it along.  I said sure and wrote down my name and number for him.  It was completely innocent!  Not even 5 minutes later this woman comes in cussing up a storm about some girl asking for her boyfriend's number.  Our manager came around asking us about it and we all were clueless.  Susan, my manager, said she was going to stay around the front since the woman was walking around very angry in the store.  The woman starts going up to the female workers asking if they had asked for her boyfriend's number.  She walks up in my face and I stepped back and was like excuse me.  She asked if I asked for her boyfriend's number and I said uh no.  My manager noticed me becoming upset because of the way I was approached and came over and started talking to me.  The customers in the store were all standing around and saying things like they were staying around to see what was happening and what was wrong with that crazy woman.  The woman left and then came back in holding up a piece of paper (the one I had written my name and number on) and yelling who the F@#$ (yes she said it) is this Kattie (B*$^%).  I didn't here her but another girl I work with started calling the manager frantically over the intercom.  So then the woman comes up in my face yelling and cussing and I start yelling right back.  She starts talking all this stuff about me trying to get her boyfriend and all this (he asked me, not the other way around).  Everyone I worked with and some customers were telling me to just let it go, calm down, ignore her.  Well, I tried.  She wouldn't get out of my face.  So I raised my fist and said she needed to back off and then she started like hauling butt out the door.  I wasn't going to let it go, so I started going after her.  Eventually, my manager showed up and some people I worked with got me to chill out but I was still ready to go when I got off work.  Everyone thought I would go out into the parking lot and bust her head open if she was out there.  I considered it.  My manager was laughing and saying I would lose my job.  I said I would take it to the street and take my work shirt off.  My manager walked me out.  I told her I wasn't scared.  She said she wasn't scared for me she was scared for that lady!  haha!

It was definitely an interesting day.  The customers were blown away and all thought she was trash and a scared punk. 

It was quite the talk and will be for a while.  Bi-lo doesn't have much excitement.

As for me, anger management might be in my near future.  

These are my confessions....

Okay, so I have a confession.  

I have started back again.

I had quit for about SIX MONTHS.  No soda at all.  Mountain Dew is my favorite, but I had to quit it all.  Now, I have started back.  It was a big decision.  I knew I would one day possibly start back, but I wasn't sure when.  I have this under control this time though!  I will definitely not let this go wild.  I figured with the stressful past few weeks this could be my drug of choice.  

Other than that I don't think I have any confessions for right now.  

A thought....

"Whatever you find hardest to do, do with all your heart."

Dalai Lama

really?

I am not exactly where I thought I would be right now as far as a job goes.

Tomorrow, I start back my job that I left at the end of March, because I was basically miserable.  I have to REDO all the testing and everything, so there is a possibility I could fail it and not be able to work there. 

Even though I am not thrilled about this, it is a job.  What I need right?

Other than the job hunting nothing really exciting has happened in my life.

I have been house/dog sitting a bit, swimming, and reading, but trying not to stay on the banks of Lake John A. Robinson too much. =)

I know, I still really have no life!  I thought I was getting a little better there for a while, but I think I either lost it or just thought I had one!

OH yeah and I am selling my car!  Who wants to buy?

EXCITEMENT!

The job hunt seems to be looking up!

 

Monday, I have an interview at Bath and Body Works.

Wednesday, I have an interview for a nanny position!  This happened really fast, basically all today!  I received a message, emailed the family back and then she called me and wanted to set up an interview!  I am excited!

hmm

It is 2:34 in the morning.

What am I doing?

Just got done watching the office and now I am on the internet.

Wow - I need a life.

Seek Him

I have to make a serious effort to not obsess and worry!  I will stress out about things that I really have NO control over.  The things I can control I obsess about, even though nothing can be done about it at the moment.  I can take it to the extreme!  I worry about what I am doing ten years from now when I need to be focused on the present.  Yes, I feel I should prepare for my future, but not this way.  I need to seek God and focus on what HE wants for me NOT what I want or have planned.  This is by no means easy for me.  It is hard for me to even write because I know how much I struggle with this.  It has to be a daily thing.  Sometimes even something I have to do several times in a day or in an hour.  I have to focus on God, pray and know that He will lead me to do the right thing if I am seeking Him.

Waves are Crashing

I am sitting here looking at the ocean!

It is so beautiful outside.  I just came in from reading on the beach, so now I am watching from the balcony.  The waves are crashing on the shore and it is amazes me that God created all this!  How awesome!  Hopefully I am starting to look a little more normal while I am here!  I still look a little funny colored!

BEWARE

I think baked is an understatement at this point.  Pale people should not go into the sun!  Stay in your house!  If you MUST leave, wear sunscreen! 

CRACK

I went to NewSpring Sunday morning!  It was awesome.  I went in and sat in the front in the middle of the row.  I was sitting alone until 3 girls about my age came up and sat on one side of me.  Then, right before the service started the two (really cute) guys came and sat beside me!  

The speaker, Daniel Harper, was awesome!  He came out on a skateboard and talked about crack.  He spoke great and the message was really good.  

Monday, I went to the lake and I got BAKED.  I am so burnt, but I had a good time.

I am going to the beach Saturday, but I am definitely going to get some sunscreen!  

A Shot at LOVE

I am sitting in bed watching Tila Tequila on MTV.  I didn't intend to watch this, but I am too lazy to get up and change the channel.  I think I might have to in a minute, I am getting sick.  This show is ridiculous!

Tomorrow, I am going to Newspring by myself!  I am pretty nervous!  I don't really know anyone and it is HUGE, but I am so excited.  I really liked Newspring and I can't wait to go again!

I really want a Bender Ball.  I love infomercials!

Modern Furniture

I still have no job....

This is discouraging.

My interview was a dud Monday!

I try so hard not to get bummed about it, but really....

I have been thinking about a few things and I have decided that I should make some goals.  Not really any long term goals right now, but some short term goals.

 - Find a job.

 - Save some money.

 - Find a church.

 - Get involved.

That is all I have for now, but I know it will grow.

4 Minutes to Save the World....

WHAT A WEEKEND!

I feel like i have been so busy this past week and weekend, but I think it might be all in my head.  

Today Jennifer and I went to NewSpring.  We liked it.  The music was good, Perry Noble was good, the parking people were good, it was just all around good.  

I dog sat this weekend with Jennifer and I have an interview on Monday!  I guess it has helped to not be sitting on the banks of Lake Robinson all the time! ;)

One day, I hope to have kids!  I love kids and I cannot wait to have a life with children!  

The song 4 Minutes to Save the World.... catchy - is it bad? I think I like it

A little random and scatter brained, but oh well!! =)

I'm down with the cool....

I am so cool....

Why, you may ask?

I am cool because I have joined the awesome group of unemployed people.

I have no job!  I really haven't done a whole lot about it.  I have looked a little and I did fix up my resume, but other than that - NOTHING.  Jennifer has been helpful (as always), but I am not getting far at the moment.  

It could be because I am sleeping all day and then "sitting in my head."  BUT I have, like Casey, been thinking about the important issues in life.  I have figured out that you need good friends.  I have known this a while, but I have been reminded of it over the past few weeks.  I also figured out that if you sit in the sun, the only part of you that gets tanned/burnt is the part the sun can see.  I learned that at Lake Robinson.  I must say my tattoo looks pretty cool with the red sunburn on part of it.  I have learned much more, but that is for another day.

So while thinking about the important issues in life I feel I have grown mentally, but I still have no job.  What does this mean?  It means I need to get a job.  I know - I was shocked by how simple the answer was also.  

STOP

I feel like my life has come to a stop....

a sudden stop.

In two weeks my job will be over.

In one week my church will no longer exist. 

Outside of those two things I don't have to much of a life.

It is time to make some decisions...

I am a planner and I feel like I should have some kind of plan already in place for all of this, but I don't.  I really thought I had things figured out.

Work, pay bills, eventually go back to school (night school), and just continue in life??

Now, none of that seems to be working.

I don't know what I am going to do, and I have NO clue what I want to do....

I have a few close friends, who have lives of their own and things they are DOING with their lives.  Me - Just sitting around doing nothing.  Now I have to figure out something to do as well.  I could continue on like this, just going from job to job barely making it.  Who wants that?  What else am I left to do?  I could try and find a job doing something I like.  The only problem with that is I really don't know what I like.  I could go off to school. The problem with that seems to be everything.

So I am stuck.  

WOW

So what has been happening with me?

I got the job! 

It is hard, but I am so excited about it. I like it so far.

Right now I am in Chicago!!

YES--CHICAGO

We had a blizzard, literally!

My mom wrecked my car, but I did last week too.

Between the two of us this week we got THREE tickets!

BUT My brother graduated from Navy boot camp and is now in A school!

We got to spend lots of time with him!

It was nice, but I think it might have made me miss him more!

Overall it has been a pretty good past few weeks!

Comfortable....in UNHAPPINESS??

I am pretty much BEYOND fed up with my job!

I have been basically the past year.

Why didn't I leave you ask?

I was COMFORTABLE in my unhappiness!

Over the past year I have had some pretty good job opportunities, but I have continually turned them down or made up some lame excuse and rationalized it all out in my head to were I don't get a new job. 

Well not anymore.

Over the past week I have interviewed and talked with a lady about a job. I had a good bit of pushing to get me willing to step out of my comfort zone, and it worked! (THANK YOU) I now have a NEW job! I will still keep my third shift job, on weekends. 

I am very nervous, but so excited!

I get to wear real clothes, make better money, be in a better environment, kinda work with a friend, have NORMAL hours, get some good experience, and advance my LIFE!

If you haven't noticed this is a BIG deal to me!

Woo-hoo!!

PIGS

I was at the mall today enjoying lunch with Jennifer.

These two guys were sitting at the table beside us.

We were talking and we heard vulgar comments.

Every female with in eyesight was degraded in some way.

They commented on women's chest, butt, body, and anything else.

It was terrible.

It took everything I had not to turn around and punch them.

I wanted nothing more than to tell them exactly what I thought of them.

Guys like that are why women feel so self conscious! 

It was embarrassing being a woman and hearing them talking that way!

I should not have to feel that way.

NO woman should!

PIGS.

Guys like that are pigs.

Did I lie!?!?

Well OK so I said I was doing nothing, not true!

Don't get me wrong-it was the original "plan."

It just didn't happen.

I had an eventful couple of days.

BUT I am back at work now. =(

And back to the basics.

Which is work.

Oh and some sleep!

My apologies for my "lie."

haha

Eyes

My eyes are prone to infection, so I assumed the other night when my eyes were really sore that I was just possibly getting another infection.

little did I know that I had pink eye! It started either Saturday night or Sunday and I went to the doctor on Tuesday. By then it was in both eyes and didn't feel good. So, I am supposed to wear a patch on the right eye and use my eye drops blah blah.... Oh and I am out of work until Friday. This could be taken as good or bad! Good because who wants to work third shift? Bad because who wants to be broke?

Patch? tried it and I could hardly drive.  It was entertaining though. =) 

So I am of course going to ignore the doctor and NOT wear the patch until my eye starts hurting really bad. =)

Oh and the really fun part.... I baby sat on Sunday and I decided to call the person I baby sat for and tell her I had pink eye. I wanted her to know incase her son got it or something. She was very appreciative but man was I embarrassed. 

SO if anyone needs anything I'll just be sitting here with my Pink eyes doing nothing.

HELLO

What is age?

I think age is a number-NOT a title.

I may be young, but I am still competent.

I am not stupid and I do know what I am doing.

I don't always do it right or perfect, but I try my hardest.

I might not always know what is next, but who does?

I don't know where I am going in life, but I do know where I'm not.

Age is important, but it isn't everything. 

Some people need to open their eyes and realize that.

whoa

A fragment of a conversation I had today....

"I am willing to stick my neck out for you . I want to help you, Kattie. I care about you."

To say the least- I was shocked! Wasn't asking for it and I didn't expect it. 

Made me feel good....

WRONG

What I did.

What I didn't do.

What I should have done.

What I shouldn't have done.

What I could of done.

Everything was wrong.

Everyone had something to say about everything I did, didn't do, etc....

You ever have one of those days when it's just NEVER good enough for anyone? Even though you did everything you were supposed to do and you KNOW you did it CORRECTLY and to the best of your ability! Third shift last night/this morning was like that for me. It is so discouraging!

I don't see how other people can intentionally make someone feel so bad about  themselves.  People that just say things to bring you down and make you feel like an itsy-bitsy little paper clip that isn't even good for holding papers together! Well, it HURTS and I think people like that must feel really bad about themselves and just want others to feel the same way, BUT no matter how bad about myself I may feel sometimes, how hurt I may be, haw alone I may feel I don't want others to have to feel that way too!

Please think before you hurt someone else! It isn't nice and like I said it HURTS terribly bad.

My God is with me....

Knowing that God is with ME....

What encouragement!

When things get tough it is easy for me to turn to things other than God and let my focus turn to other things to make it "better."

BUT God is still there waiting on me to turn to Him!

It works out!

Yesterday church was canceled for "ice." I was leaving work around 6:15am and there was hardly any ice on the road!! BUT I did get some MUCH needed rest! 

Today my car wouldn't start and my roommate, Jennifer, was sick! BUT since she was at home sick I was able to take her car to work! My car is working now and Jennifer is feeling better!

Things worked out for the best!

A good day....

What could be better?

I'm at my aunt's and family is in town.

I am sitting on the couch with my cousin Hannah.

I just had a glass of chocolate milk.

I am worn out from work, but still alive.

Tomorrow is church.

IT is SNOWING!!

Today is already a good day!

Hope everyone else is having a good day!

FRIDAY MORNING THOUGHTS

FRIDAY MORNING THOUGHTS....

• Today is PAYDAY!
• I have laundry to do.
• This week, God showed me what BIG things he can do. He is teaching me that he can do BIG things not only with Catalyst but inside of me and in my own life!
• I have to work third shift tonight, not the greatest, but everyone has to work at some point. 
• I am pumped about church this Sunday! 
• I know God is going to do BIG things and I feel so encouraged by knowing that and by seeing what God has already done and I know He can do SO much MORE!
• Some of my family is in town and I will get to spend time with them before work today!
•   I LOVE TODAY!
  

I hope everyone has a GREAT Friday!

THANKS!

Go GOD!!

Catalyst made it!

God Provided!

The goal was met!

Thank you to everyone who prayed BIG and gave generously!

Continue to pray for God to do big things with Catalyst and in YOUR own lives!

It's pretty hard....

Commitment....

Such a small word, But TONS of meaning!

Committing can be hard.

No matter what it is....

Relationships, Tithing, Friendships, School, Work, Family....

Whatever it may be, it can be hard!

It takes effort, dependability, and other stuff.

It is hard to be tied to something, but it can be so wonderful too!

Don't miss out of some things in life because you are afraid to commit.

Sometimes being afraid can keep us from a wonderful experience....

Still praying BIG for Catalyst!!

I hope everyone is still praying BIG for Catalyst!

We still have a $10,000 to go to reach our goal (by Tomorrow)!

It isn't near as much as our original $35,ooo, so I know it can happen!

Please visit HERE to find out more details and how you can give!

Thanks everyone for your prayers and support! 

Keep it up!

Pray BIG for Catalyst....

The thought of there no longer being a Catalyst Church bothers me.

It makes me want to give all the money I can find in the world.

NO church should have to close because of financial issues.

This bothers me and I wish it wasn't the case, but it is.

I have decided to write a check that I don't see as doing much, but that I know God can do BIG things with. I will pray that God will make something BIG out of each little bit that is given.

I will also be praying for God to give Catalyst staff strength to not get discouraged.

Everyone PLEASE pray BIG for Catalyst! 

Catalyst works. It needs to keep working!

What do you know?

A few things I know as of thus far in life....

I don't want to be a nobody.
I want to do something important with my life. I really don't want to just stay where I am and do nothing useful with my life. I want to help people and do things for others. I HAVE to make a difference.

It takes courage to live.
It takes courage to go through each day and survive. The world can be a cruel place, as well as many of the people here. I believe that everyone has wanted to give up at one time or another, and not giving up and going on takes a lot of courage and strength.

Life is hard.
There is a lot of stuff in life that can be difficult. Decisions, responsibilities, friends, family....the list goes on. (Life isn't all bad though)

What do you know?

hmm another one of those decisions....

I don't really like being faced with things.
Especially things I am not so proud of.
and that I have to do something about.
Things where decisions have to be made.
decisions that will change things.
You know the hard decisions.

I made a really hard decision today.
I was praying and I honestly still didn't know what to do.
I don't think I was listening.
But none the less the decision is made now.
Besides I think this will be for the best.
for now atleast.

It's going to work out!

Last night I got mad at God....
Then I realized He is most definatly looking out for me!
It trips me out how I think I know what is best for me,
but most of the time I am soo NOT right!
God knows what is best for me.
I sure don't.
SO I am going to have to just keep trusting that God has got this.
Everything is going to work out!